it wasn’t that you were meant to be my protector. it wasn’t that you watched me grow.

it wasn’t that you loved me, or that my self esteem was at an all time low.

it wasn’t that i saw you almost every day. but i felt an urge to write this poem, so buckle up for what i have to say.

–

betrayal and pain seeped deep within,
flowing through my blood.
holding every thing inside of me,
i drowned beneath the flood.

we never had a normal bond,
but i hoped one day we would.
that night i thought we were getting close,
but clearly i misunderstood.

my innocence thought you meant well,
that you finally wanted to connect.
but maybe it was my naivety,
because i was far from being correct.

you stole alot from me that night,
my youth, my love, my soul.
you were meant to help me find my feet,
not keep me trapped within your control.

all the plans i had for myself,
vanished before i could see.
banging on doors to let me out,
to allow me to be free.

by protecting you i lost my self,
i thought that’s what i had to do.
i broke myself to keep you whole,
not knowing i could start anew.

so i began reconnecting to my self,
along the way rediscovering my voice.
i spoke my truth, loud and clear,
my future shaped by my choice.

now three years have passed, and here i am,
in awe of what i’ve achieved.
i rebuilt my life with courage,
grounded in all i believed.

-mao

26/02/2025

don’t give trauma the power to control you, you deserve to live the life you choose. take control of your trauma.

-life advice from one survivor to another