i understand how you must be feeling, a breakup is never easy, but you are so strong.

a heartbreak is difficult for everyone, whether you’re the one breaking up with your partner or they broke up with you.

you must be willing to heal and have a desire to get over this breakup.

to properly heal, it requires you to put in effort and deep work within yourself, so having the desire to do so is necessary.

i have made many mistakes when it comes to breakups – this is why i have created this article, to share with you my best tips.

lets begin.

let it out

everyone deals with their feelings and emotions differently, so healing for someone may look very different to how you heal.

cry cry cryyyy. if you feel like crying, then cry!

it is a completely normal emotion so don’t keep it bottled up and suppress your feelings.

the more your suppress or try to escape your emotions, the harder it will be to heal in the long run.

you will end up having all these built up emotions that you don’t understand. 

a breakup is a type of loss, so you need to allow yourself to grieve.

you need to acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to feel whatever feelings that may be in you.

whether it’s confusion, betrayal, pain, sadness, or anger – it is completely normal to mourn the loss of your relationship.

by sitting with your feelings and understanding they’re normal, you will be able to express them in healthy ways. 

your feelings will vary at times and different emotions will come as the days go by and that is also normal.

one of the biggest lessons i have learnt through my past breakups is cut yourself some slack.

you are allowed to cry. you are allowed to not be over them in 6 months time, you are allowed to get over them after a week. 

everyone is different, everyone processes emotions and events differently, and that is completely okay!!

i feel there is a big social norm nowadays where people have created a ‘time frame’ around getting over a breakup.

you should not feel you have to wait a certain amount of time after a breakup before moving on, otherwise they are a ‘rebound’.

and vice versa with feeling pressured to move on because it’s ‘weird’ for not having moved on yet.

it is your decision to chose when you are ready to see someone again, as only you need to feel ready.

with that being said though, it is beneficial for you to actually give yourself some time to work through the emotions you are feeling.

it is important to not just jump straight into something new just to avoid those emotions.

give yourself some time to work on yourself and through the emotions you may be feeling.

i am here to tell you that i have been through both of these breakups.

i got over one of my ex’s within literally a week, and another one it took me over 11 months.

these are the noticeable changes i did that helped me with my most previous breakup.

i hope they can help you heal your heart too ❤

find things you love

i found that finding things you truly love and making sure you do them was so beneficial for my healing

this is because doing the things you love will make you feel good because you love them!

whether its an activity you love, singing a specific song, going to a certain beach to watch the sunset, something you love to eat 

– it can literally be anything in this world, but it has to be something that you love, not what others love and you just join in.

try your hardest to find things you love that involve being outside, as being outside makes you feel that extra bit even better than if it were inside.

try out new hobbies and activities if you are unsure on what you love, or you can revisit old hobbies you used to find joy in.

you never know what you will love and dislike until you have given it a shot.

plus it is a great way to provide you with a new sense of fulfilment and importance

(not to mention to learn a new hobby takes persistence and effort, so it is great to make you focus your mind elsewhere)

focus on self care

you need to start prioritising your overall wellbeing my sweetheart. 

you deserve to feel, look and act your best, so please begin.

make sure you engage in activities that you love, but are also in your best interest.

activities that nurture and nourish your overall health, (mental, emotional, social physical, ect).

these can be activities such as eating healthy, surrounding yourself with good company, a good amount of sleep, exercising –

when i say exercise, i dont mean lift weights even if you hate it, i mean exercise however you love.

your sport training and games, the gym, going on hikes, swimming, dancing – anything you love whilst exercising.

i also found saying positive affirmations was a powerful self care practise for me whilst healing from my breakup.

affirmations can boost your self-esteem, reinforce self worth and are a reminder to yourself of your value and how much you are actually worth (during hard times we can sometimes forget).

pick affirmations that resonate deeply with you so you can create a habit of saying them.

just make sure the affirmations you choose mean something to you, as for affirmations to work you need to wholeheartedly believe in them and have full faith in what you’re saying.

i have an article on how to properly use affirmations here, including 29 powerful affirmations for mental clarity.

you need to set new goals

with practising self care and mindfulness, you are focusing on your personal growth.

you are healing and growing, so i recommend you set new personal, professional, financal, or whatever goals you feel you want.

by setting goals, you are able to redirect your attention, time and energy into something positive and uplifting.

this is a great way to find a sense of your identity back, as people can often feel lost after a breakup.

especially if you were co-dependent or believed they were going to be the person you stayed together with forever.

create these goals for you. work on these goals for you. accomplish these goals for you.

i seriously cannot begin to tell you the feeling of fulfillment, proudness, happiness, contentment, peace of mind 

– just every amazing feeling you can think of, you will probably feel when you set your mind to something and you suprise yourself by accomplishing it.

reaching out 

remember to talk to your family and friends as they can support you. 

i found for me, the more i spoke about it to my friends, the easier it was to accept the breakup actually happened. 

it is also a good way to get a different perspective about the separation.

i found it really difficult at first as we ended on such good terms and still cared for each other, so talking to others definetly helped me

journaling and mindfulness practises

you need to begin to express yourself and release the built up feelings and emotions you hold within. 

this can help you achieve the state of mind, mental clarity.

suppressing, repressing, escaping, ignoring – anything you’re doing with your emotions, besides allowing them to be, is holding you back from healing from your breakup.

write about how you’re feeling, the emotions within you, the recurring thoughts in your mind – anything you want.

journaling can actually help you process your emotions and help you work through them logically.

now that you have gained insight into your experience by looking at it, rather than just reacting emotionally.

mindfulness is a way of staying present.

you may find certain techniques can help you manage the harder and more overwhelming emotions that arise in you.

but i must say, to get the full benefits from mindfulness, it does require patience, effort and consistency. 

it takes awhile to form a new habit and sometimes it’s hard to practise mindfulness at first.

but however long it takes, keep trying because the benefits i found from mindfulness are absolutely insane. 

seek professional help

if you are struggling to cope, or the breakup has taken an impact on your mental or physical health, please consider talking to a trained health or mental health professional for support and guidance. 

sometimes we need help from professionals, and there is nothing wrong with that.

the information in this article today should never replace professional help, so please talk to a trained professional

the information you are reading today is what helped me, so it won’t necessarily help you the way you need.

give yourself some space and allow time to heal

this is the perfect time to reflect on the relationship you had.

was it for a lesson? to help you grow? to guide you towards your dreams? to teach you something valuable?

take the time to properly reflect so you can understand what happened, (this helps when you’re in the denial phase).

the breakup has happened, so now you can look back on what didn’t work and what worked.

this may help you find closure and gain some clarity, but it is also good to know so you’re aware and can be your best self for your future parnter.

you must also remember to be kind and patient with yourself.

understand that you are healing, and your healing journey is a process, so it is okay if it takes time.

limited contact and social media

now i do recommend for you to create come distance between you and your ex.

obviously with certain circumstances it can be quite difficult to do so at times.

(if you go to the same university, school, job, or what not), but try to limit as much as you can.

if you have no choice to see them around, then consider avoiding too much communication with them.

obviously don’t completely ignore them if you ended on good terms, but make sure they respect your distance as you’re giving yourself some space to heal.

i also highly recommend limiting your social media time, or at least stay clear of your ex’s social media.

this is crucial in your healing journey / process, as this can help you avoid comparing yourself to anyone, prevent any triggers of unwanted feelings or emotions (jealousy, anger, sadness, ect).

why i recommend limiting contact with your ex is because you need to give yourself some time to adapt to this new change of not being with them.

if you’re still messaging like normal or seeing them as per usual, you aren’t giving yourself time to process the change (because there isn’t much change)

this is a hard and difficult stage in your life you will experience, so please try to make it as easy on yourself you possibly can.

inspiration for you – what helped me?

• i spent a lot of time with my friends at first.

i went out for dinner in the evenings with them, did fun activities during the day or just hung out with them when i didn’t have work. 

you may find you have a lot of free time now, (especially on the weekends), so it was important for me to plan ahead and create plans that i enjoy with my friends/family.

• i also took an interest in listening to podcasts.

the first few months when i was struggling, i liked to listen to funny podcasts where i knew i would laugh or smile.

one of the most crucial things i have learnt in life is, achieving the feeling of happiness or cheerfulness.

feelings and actions go hand in hand together, so when you aren’t feeling the best, partake in actions that you know bring you joy or happiness.

pretend you are already happy, plaster on your biggest smile, dance around the room, do things that make you happy, and it will be very hard to not become happier after 5 minutes or so.

• i took the time to really focus on my thoughts and mentality.

your mind have a lot of control over how you feel within (as for the journaling, mindfulness, activities, affirmations ect)

• i also got back into reading. i avoided the rom coms as i tried to avoid the headspace of “this is what i had” or “this is what we could of been”.

• i really, really cracked down on my hobbies and side hustles. 

• by doing so, i fell inlove with working on myself to become better at my hobby

– such as gymming, eating healthy, implementing a healthy lifestyle, ect.

• i made sure i made time for what i enjoyed the most in my life by setting boundaries with others and within myself.

• i continued to write poems and journal, in fact, i created this “breakup journal”.

with this, i described every day in detail, of how i felt, how many times i cried, what i did in the day, ect.

this was helpful as i could see my progress, but also for the days that were abit harder.

i could read through the days where i did well and see if i can implement anything into my harder days to make me feel better.

• i recommend staying active during the day, as when i kept active, it helped my mind.

• also make sure you’re getting enough sleep!!

• i also really got into ice baths and saunas as i felt in control of my body and brain.

my thinking process was, if i was able to push through this pain (being in the ice bath), then i will be able to push through the pain of the breakup and come out happy the other end in time.

• i also really focused on myself as whilst you are healing, you need to also focus on your self growth. 

please make sure you are eating well – i know how hard it can be to eat properly when you are going through a breakup, but keep trying your best.

please reach out to a trained professional if you’re having struggles with your relationship with food or anything of that sorts.

it is normal to feel a big difference after a breakup.

you need to learn to be okay with your own company again.

you went from spending a significant amount of time with your person, to being independent again.

because of this, sometimes you may find you have lost a part of yourself, and this is the perfect time for you to re-discover yourself.

find the things that bring you true happiness and focus on self care, self love and self compassion.

finding your place

the beach became an important place for me as i felt the most at rest when i could hear the ocean and feel the cold water surrounding my body. 

it is so important to find a place where you don’t have your thoughts running a thousand miles per hour, (remember mindfulness).

make sure to find your special place, as this helped me immensely.

these places you find can also change each month.

as it became colder i didn’t go to the beach as often, instead i headed out to nature

– whether it was for a hike, camping trip, dog walk or a picnic.

i found it strange at first to have a certain amount of time where i wasn’t thinking about something.

but the more often you do it, the more comfortable you get with the silence and the time with yourself. 

however, this may look different for you

you may find the gym is the place you don’t have any thoughts in your mind, or when you’re watching a film

– everyone is different, so find your place, person or activity.

a few weeks after the breakup, once i accepted we weren’t getting back together, i planned a solo camping trip.

i knew for me personally i needed change and to do something out of my comfort zone, and for me that was my first solo camping trip.

i knew i would be able to get the most out of most of the things that helped me heal – 

mindfulness, journaling, being comfortable by myself, engaging in activities that were in my best interest, eating well, being in my important place, getting good sleep, active lifestyle, ect.

for a while i clung onto the hope that we might regret it or we will realise we made a mistake, but with journaling, mindfulness and limited contact, i accepted we actually broke up for good.

spending time by myself, doing the things i loved in my own time, and at my own pace, really helped me with finding closure and reminding myself i can do just fine by myself.

i need to make this clear – i am telling you what helped me through my breakup.

i’m not advising you to do all these things and you will magically heal from your breakup.

as i’ve said, everyone is different so what works for me may not work for you.

just know that this feeling won’t last forever.

you will grow and learn from the past more than you know. 

i believe in you, so you need to too ❤

-MAO

don’t give trauma the power to control you, you deserve to live how you want. take control of your trauma.

-life advice from one survivor to another