*content warning* please be advised this article contains discussion of trauma, grief, self criticism, negative self talk and recommendation of deep internal work that may bring up some buried emotions and memories. please read at your own discretion.

why do i self criticise?

i believe everyone criticises theirself to some degree, but not to the same extent and frequency.

the human brain is literally designed to compare, as it helps us make decisions, process information and promote self improvement.

our brains compare ourselves, what we have, and situations to others.

however, we compare our interior to everybody else’s exterior,
especially now in a society where we have social media all around us.

this can become extremely harmful and toxic to ourselves.

ways to heal self criticism

when learning to heal this self critic voice within us, it is important to know that it will take conscious effort, time, patience, energy and perseverance.

this is what we have grown up with and heard for a significant amount of time in our lives, so we don’t really know any better.

self critic thought patterns are habits, as we have had for so long that it is built within us in a way.

so please be patient, kind and compassionate.

let’s go over 20 strategies that can help us reduce and begin to heal our self criticism.

understanding our subconscious mind

our subconscious mind is programmed from what we hear, feel, see and are told growing up.

this programming begins pretty much straight out of the womb, and it continues to evolve throughout our lives.

we hold the power to reprogram our subconscious mind by unlearning limiting beliefs, harmful words and things that put us down in our past.

we are born to judge ourselves and criticise ourselves. it is only when we grow and become more mature that we go ‘hold up, wait a second’.

this is when realise we want to find ways to regulate these thoughts and manage our self talk.

our subconscious mind is one of the most influential parts of ourselves.

it makes us who we are. it subconsciously manifests into our actions, behaviours, thoughts and views.

our subconscious mind talks in a self critic way to us to try and protect us.

it tries to make us believe that we can’t do something because we don’t want to make mistakes or because it’s not perfect.

this can be because mistakes in our past have led to pain, distress, hurt and ultimately trauma.

our subconscious mind is made up of what we have consciously been told, or tell ourselves throughout a long period of time.

this is why we can become very self critic due to what we have been told growing up from our trauma or past experiences.

become the non-judgemental observer

one helpful tip when beginning to heal our self criticism, is to remove all judgements from ourselves.

remove judgements from our thoughts, our emotions, our looks, where we are, what we have, ect.

removing these judgements that we have about ourself allows us to distance ourselves from our thoughts and self talk.

when we remove judgements, we become the observer.

we are observing our thoughts and emotions, rather than letting them consume us completely.

keep the past in the past

we hold the power and control to live how we want in our present time to shape our future for the better.

no matter how stressful, painful or traumatic the past may have been for us, it is important for us to not let that consume our thoughts.

we must know, and believe, that our past is not our present nor future selves.

our past experiences create stories and narrative within us, but these do not have to define us.

it is very hard for our brains to stay out of the past due to human nature, but when we remove all judgements it can become a little easier.

it is important for us to keep our past in the past. obviously we still want to learn from the past, but we should not let it define us.

we are enough.

we are smart.

we can make ourselves proud.

we can achieve what we set our minds to.

we hold potential far greater than what we believe.

no matter how badly we want to, we can never go back in time and fix the past or what happened to us.

learning to heal or reduce our self critic talk is unlearning these deeply deeply seeded wounds, stories or beliefs we hold upon ourselves.

thoughts are just thoughts

please know that our criticism is merely a thought.

a thought is not a feeling. a thought does not define us.

a thought passes through us, and we can either accept it or decline it.

we need to learn to decline these harsh and negative thoughts, and swap them for something kind, uplifting, positive and compassionate.

the less critic we are to ourselves, the more we can act, rather than react, as we are able to be in our ‘wise mind’ more.

encouraging affirmations

saying affirmations are a good starting point when you are observing your thoughts without judgement, to help shift them to being more positive.

this can help shift our perspective, thoughts and self talk, from a negative self critical point of view, to a more positive uplifting point of view.

however, affirmations are not likely to help you get past self criticism, as it is deeply rooted within us.

we really need to develop a system within our daily lives to help heal our self critical inner voice, due to it being deeply, deeply embedded within us.

don’t let the word systems overwhelm you or make you not want to begin.

we can start with one thing daily, and building our way up to creating habitual changes.

a good way to start this is by planting small seeds within throughout our day.

please try not to wait until a self critic thought arises, rather, do it at random times during the day.

what i mean by planting seeds within us is, saying or thinking a new thought – one that is encouraging, empowering and uplifting.

the way our subconscious mind is reprogrammed is by what we tell it day in and day out, with trusting and believing what we say wholeheartedly.

at first we may not truly believe the things we say or think about ourself, but the more we say them, we will begin to see it in our everyday life.

and once we recognise this good in our daily lives, it becomes easier to believe in ourself and believe in what we are saying.

-> you may have heard the saying “you are what you eat”. i like to interpret this saying a little differently.

our thoughts, inner voice and the words we say to ourselves is the food that fuels us within.

when we say something, our body is metabolising because we prepare it (think it), digest it (accept it), and then we become it (believe it).

i have a page full of affirmations here that you can download straight to your device if you find any that resonate with you.

engaging in self compassion

the main goal and reasoning behind our self criticism is to protect us, however the way it protects us can be quite harmful.

this is when self compassion comes in and can play a huge role in helping us learn to heal our self critic voice and inner dialogue.

unfortunately, we as humans tend to treat ourselves a lot differently than how we would treat our friends loved ones family or younger children.

we treat others with compassion, encouragement and belief, however we tend to treat ourselves differently.

self compassion allows us to make better choices and treat ourself with empathy, kindness, patience, care and support.

i have an in-depth article on “how to practise self compassion and the benefits of it” after trauma here if you would like to read it.

emotional regulation

learning to regulate our emotions is a big step in helping reduce our self criticism.

it allows us to respond to difficult or uneasy feelings more level headed and with understanding, rather than harsh judgment or self blame.

when we regulate our emotions, we are able to stop, pause and process our reactions.

this helps reduce our emotions to spiral into criticism and negative self talk.

an in-depth article on how to be aware of your emotions after trauma, is here if you’d like to read it.

mindset switch

a mindset switch is replacing negative thought patterns or beliefs, with more positive, empowering beliefs.

we need to challenge our inner critic. it no longer holds the power, we do.

we can begin this by identifying our negative self talk and acknowledging where it stems from.

is it an internalised message from trauma, a narrative from childhood, or from a toxic relationship?

then once we identify our self critical thoughts, we can begin to challenge them.

we need to question if they are actually accurate, or if they are just straight up lies or untrue beliefs we have.

then we can replace them with more balanced, encouraging, optimistic and realistic thoughts.

repetition is key with switching our mindsets, as it will take time. but over this time our new, healthier thoughts will become more automatic.

engagement in daily mind, body and soul

making it a habit to add something that nurtures and grows our mind, body and soul throughout our day is beneficial.

this can be as little as five minutes and we can work our way up to spending more time practising it.

i know it may seem like you don’t have time within our day to add these practises into it, but i am sure you will be able to find time.

examples:

body movement – walk, swim, lift weights, join a sport, five minute workout, ect

mind – learning something new (research on a project, work on a creative outlet, learn an instrument, ect)

soul – reading, meditation, mindfulness, time in nature, sit with our thoughts, ect

journal prompts

write it out. write everything out.

feelings, thoughts, emotions, memories, progress, struggles, aspirations – just everything!

journaling creates an opportunity for us to find out who we truly are and helps us discover our true selves.

here are some prompts and written tasks i recommend doing, as it helped me in my journey of healing my self criticism.

daily journaling – this is a time for self reflection, just write about anything.

5 things you are good at that make you proud (these don’t just have to be physical things they can be characteristics, attributes, values, or physical things you do)

write a self compassion letter to yourself – whatever harmful thoughts you were having, imagine your dearest friend or family thinking that way and write them a letter – what would you say to them?

i have 10 downloadable deep journal prompts here if you are unsure of where to begin.

i also have an in-depth article on why journaling is powerful in our trauma healing journeys here if you would like to read it.

visualisation

visualisation is a powerful tool when helping heal our self criticism, as it allows us to create positive mental images of success and healing.

this is ultimately rewiring our brain to replace our negative thought patterns and beliefs, with more nurturing, positive ones.

this practice is so powerful as it allows us to taps into the power of our imagination to cultivate self worth, self belief, trust and resilience.

visualisation is a way we can imagine ourselves confronting our obstacles or challenges with kindness and inner strength.

how to do this? find a quiet, safe space, gently close your eyes, and use your imagination to visualise a calm, safe place where you are succeeding and supported.

creative outlet expression

finding the words to express our trauma and self criticism can be difficult, and writing or speaking about it can feel overwhelming.

this is when we can experiment with other forms of expression, so we can still release our emotions in healthy ways to work our way up to being able to speak or write about it.

how do i do this? music (creating or listening to music we resonate with), art, drawing, photography, crafts, painting, poems, acting, journaling, letters, dancing, yoga, ect

healthy boundary setting

setting boundaries is a way of protecting our energy, time and peace.

through boundaries, we can provide ourselves the energy we need to take back our power and ourcreate space for our healing to take place.

we need to say “no” to what drains us, what we don’t enjoy, what we don’t want to do, or what has a negative impact or influence on us.

and we need to say “yes” to what uplifts us, allows us to heal, provides us opportunities for growth and empowerment.

i have an in-depth article on how to set healthy boundaries after trauma here if you would like to read it.

routines and rituals

creating daily rituals or routines of self care can reinforce the idea that we do infact deserve kindness and respect, and we are much more than we say we are.

i have an in-depth article on how to create routines in life after trauma here if you would like to read it.

forgive and grieve

we need to forgive ourself.

sometimes, self criticism can be linked to guilt, blame or shame we have about ourself.

practising self forgiveness will take time, but it can help us release the burden of these feelings within.

aswell as forgiving ourselves, we also need to forgive others.

this does not mean condoning their actions in any way shape or form.

when we forgive others, it helps us let go of the emotional grip these past experiences and events have on us.

i have an in-depth article on 13 ways to grieve after trauma here if you would like to read it.

surrounded by support

we need to try to surround ourselves with those who provide a safe and non judgemental space for us.

this way we can be open, raw and vulnerable, and we may be surprised with how many people struggle with this self critical habit.

having people we relate to and who validate our experiences, can help us break free from the loneliness that often comes with self criticism.

gratitude

begin to take note of what is going well in life, what we love, what we are proud of, what you we grateful for – anything to be happy and grateful about!

we can engage in gratitude whenever we have time, (it can be at the start or end our day), but i suggest a set time to create a habit of it.

here is the link if you’d like to read the full article on how gratitude can be powerful in our trauma healing journeys.

grounding and mindfulness

when our self criticism becomes too loud or distressing, we can engage in grounding techniques to reconnect ourself with the present moment.

trauma has a way of manifesting into our bodies, but mindfulness can help, as it increases our awareness of these negative thought patterns, whilst encouraging self compassion.

it is important for us to try out new grounding techniques to find what works best for us, to help us connect with our body and build resilience.

how do i do this? mindfulness, meditation, sensory grounding, prayer, self soothing tools, nature, scans, slowing down and being in the moment

celebrate yourself

unlearning our harmful thought patterns is a long journey, so we must acknowledge and celebrate our small steps of progress.

this is why i recommended the daily journaling, as this can provide a good insight into growth, achievements and healing.

we must have patience with our process, as healing takes time, and reducing our self critical thoughts is a constant journey.

seek professional help

talking to a professional can be beneficial when navigating our way through self criticism and healing.

i highly advise you to seek professional help from a trained mental health or health professional 

– a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist or any trained professional of that sorts.

all of the information and strategies i am providing you with today is purely from personal experience and it should never constitute professional advice and should not be relied upon as such.

self critical thinking after trauma, my experience

our self criticism or critic inner voice may stem from external influences we had growing up from our trauma.

the voices we heard around us growing up may manifest into our inner voice and become internalised once we grow into adolescence or adult hood.

this journey is all about finding ways to communicate and express what we are thinking or feeling within to release them.

this is exactly where my self criticism stemmed from, and i only figured this out when i did my deep internal journaling and exercises.

please know that when say heal our self criticism, i don’t mean one day you’ll be like “oh i have healed this negativity within me”.

what i mean by healing our self criticism is, learning to regulate these thoughts and understand that they’re just thoughts and they do not define us or impact how we feel.

healing our self critic is a constant journey, as we are learning more every day and we are healing every day.

in my personal experience, i have minimised my self criticism as much as i can, (if i told myself 3 years ago that i developed the mindset i have today i wouldn’t believe me)

however, self critical thoughts still pop into my mind at times, it’s just alot less frequent, and i now know that i don’t have to believe my thoughts and i have the tools to swap them into more constructive thoughts.

you are not alone in this journey and i hope you got something out of reading this article today.

i believe in you, so it’s time to believe in yourself.

you are amazing 🤍

-mao