*content warning* please be advised this article contains discussion of trauma, triggers, dissociation, flashbacks and recommendation of deep internal work that may bring up some buried emotions and memories. please read at your own discretion.

self compassion plays a vital role in the journey of healing from trauma.

for some, self compassion comes naturally to them, and to others (me a couple years ago), we’re far from it. 

but luckily for us it is a learnable skill. meaning we can discover, develop and cultivate self compassion within ourselves.

it involves treating yourself with the same empathy, kindness, care, support and understanding that you would to a close friend.

what role does self compassion play in the journey of healing from trauma?

one of the main roles self compassion plays in the journey of healing trauma, is the positive relationship you gain with yourself.

knowing that you have your back through all the ups and downs on your journey.

it shows you’re willing to pick yourself up, dust off any of the negative thoughts or insecurities you may have, put yourself back on your feet, find your bearings again and support yourself to continue on.

if i was asked to describe self-compassion in 3 words, i would use;

kind, supportive and understanding.

you are your own motivator – the person who pushes you when you need a reminder of who you are and the power you hold.

you are the person to remind yourself when you need to get back on track if you begin to struggle, slip or fall back into your old habits.

it is also the gentle encouraging voice to let you know it’s okay not to be okay every single day.

this is our first time in this journey, we are going to make mistakes but we can learn from them.

benefits of self compassion 

whilst dealing with trauma, we may struggle with overwhelming feelings of shame, betrayal, guilt, self blame, ect.

self compassion can help counteract these negative emotions and help us break out of these cycles.

let’s see some of the benefits this valuable tool can have for us in our journeys.

reducing self criticism and perfectionism

traumatic experiences can sometimes lead us to internalise negative beliefs about ourself.

such as feeling like we are powerless, worthless, guilt or inferior.

self compassion can allow us to break these harmful cycles by offering empathy and care, instead of judgment and criticism.

i had a very negative relationship between myself and my inner voice.

i spoke so down and negatively to myself, i was my biggest critic and terrified of making a mistakes or letting myself or other down.

growing self compassion allowed me to cut myself some slack as it made me realise;

i don’t expect others to have everything perfect, so why do i expect it from myself??

encourages healing

many trauma survivors tend to suppress, repress, escape or dissociate from our painful memories and emotions.

self compassion can help us create a safe space within ourself so we can begin to express and process our trauma and emotions.

this vulnerability and openness is crucial for our healing and recovery.

creates a sense of acceptance and safety

with this sense of acceptance and safety created within, instead of avoiding difficult emotions, we can learn to accept them.

this can help us face and process our emotions or traumatic memories without becoming overwhelmed by them.

self compassion allows us to feel safer with our emotions, as we create an internal environment of acceptance.

an environment where all of our feelings and emotions can be felt and acknowledged without any judgment.

builds patience in the healing process

healing from trauma is not linear, we will more than likely be faced with setbacks and moments of struggles or pain.

but self compassion can help us be patient with ourself as we understand that healing takes time and it’s not a perfect process.

people have bad days, that’s just a part of life, but instead of sitting and waiting for it to pass, we;

allow ourself to feel it – accept this feeling – release it – rest -then actively make changes to try and improve ourself/mentality/mood.

gaining self worth and confidence

treating ourself with love, care and compassion can help rebuild our sense of value and worth.

it was help us reconnect with our identity outside of the trauma we’ve faced.

to help myself re-establish my worth, confidence and step back into my power, i journaled and wrote alot of lists.

some of these lists included;

• a list of my accomplishments / achievements,
• a list of the things i have done that makes me proud
• a list of the things i love about me
• a list of the times that went well / when i succeeded – when i didn’t think i would / when i didn’t believe in myself.

if you are feeling lost or distant from the person you once were, here is an in-depth article on how to find yourself after trauma.

emotional regulation and resilience

trauma can make us feel vulnerable, emotionally distant and fragile.

acknowledging our pain, (without judgment), can make it easier for us to process and manage our more difficult or intense emotions and feelings.

we are not going to feel okay all the time, and that is okay! but we know we can pick ourself back up and bounce back from setbacks.

self compassion allowed me to realise that i am trying my hardest in my journey and helped me regulate myself when the harder days came.

and being able to regulate my emotions and body more effectively, helped me grow resilience.

an in-depth article on how to be aware of your emotions after trauma, is here if you’d like to read it.

exploring authenticity

self compassion allows you to have a deeper understanding of who you actually are – the raw, authentic version of you.

who you are deep down to your core without any influence from external factors, friends, family, societal norms, ect.

like what makes you, you? what calms you? how do you like to be spoken to? how do you like to be loved? how do you love? it just allows you to understand yourself better.

this authenticity and complete vulnerability allowed me to figure out how to help my mind and my body calm down and feel good again.

i also found it easier to be self compassionate when you are being compassionate to your actual self, and not a fake version of you.

improving relationships

a benefit i found after a few months, was it helped build stronger and deeper relationships.

when we understand ourself and our boundaries, we are able to communicate our boundaries to others.

when we treat ourselves with kindness, patience and empathy, it rubs off on the people we are surrounded by and how we interact with others.

it also improved my empathy even more than it already was, as people feel heard and understood as i am not judging them.

a sense of connection

with self compassion, you understand that suffering and pain is a part of the human experience.

this realisation can help us feel less lonely and lost, as we know that others also go through struggles, and we are not alone on our journey.

self compassion also allowed me to connect deeper to spirituality and the world i am in.

an in-depth article on how to deal with loneliness after trauma, is here if it is something you’re dealing with.

improves mentality

talking to myself with love, encouragement, empathy, proudness, kindness and understanding improved my mentality and mental health immensely.

– my dedication and “do-it” mindset increased,

– my energy and attitude towards my work sky-rocketed,

– my persistence and passion for my hobbies were consistent.

how to practise self compassion

during our journey of healing from trauma, bad times are more than likely going to occur,

whether it’s bad experiences or memories, hard or overwhelming emotions and thoughts, feeling lost and alone, ect.

these are some strategies you can engage in, in your daily routine to begin to bring self compassion into your life.

gratitude

begin to take note of what is going well in your life, what you love, what you are proud of, what you are grateful for – anything you are happy about!

here is the link if you’d like to read the full article on how gratitude can be powerful in our trauma healing journeys.

mindset switch / inner voice

this was exactly how i was able to learn the skill self compassion, and i’m not going to lie to you, this took a long time.

every time i caught myself out thinking negatively, criticising myself, speaking down on myself, ect, i would switch the thought.

whatever the negative thought or comment was, i was pause and switch it for the exact opposite, positive version of it.

forgiveness

forgive yourself for your past.

there is a difference between forgiving yourself and forgetting it happened, make sure to forgive yourself.

any mistakes, negative self talk, hurtful words or actions, and let go of guilt, (but learn from them so you don’t do it again).

seek professional help

i highly advise you to seek professional help from a trained mental health or health professional 

– a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist or any trained professional of that sorts.

all of the information and strategies i am providing you with today is purely from personal experience and it should never constitute professional advice and should not be relied upon as such.

kind and compassionate support group

surround yourself around kind, compassionate and uplifting people, who want to see you succeed and become the best version of yourself.

meditation

begin to sit with yourself for a couple minutes a day and say (silently or aloud) some loving sentences about yourself, the world, your life and other people.

journaling and tracking

keeping track of your achievements, moments of happiness and proudness, what you do and feel during your day, ect.

write kind things about yourself that you noticed and the accomplishments you had during your day – nothing is too small.

affirmations and reminders

saying positive daily affirmations can be very powerful when beginning to develop self compassion.

setting up reminders where you know you are going to see them multiple times a day are also helpful in beginning positive self talk.

setting them on your phone reminders, wallpaper or calendar, a sticky note on your bathroom mirror, toilet door – anywhere you will see.

prioritising self care

make sure to rest when you need to, eat the nutrients your body needs, drink enough water, get enough sleep, create routines – take care of you!

moments for breaks

during times of stress, difficulty, or negative self talk, pause and take a short moments to offer yourself support and care.

these can be short statements of kind words, loving actions, reassurance – act in ways that make you feel cared for.

mindfulness

allow yourself to sit, feel and acknowledge your pain and emotions, without avoiding it or judging it.

kindness

in moments of pain or suffering, respond to yourself with the same care and love as you would to the closest person to you.

(remember, you are technically the closest person you will have in your life, so start treating yourself like it! ♡)

self soothing techniques

engaging in my self soothing techniques helped me keep my self compassion and healthy relationship with myself.

this is during times of need, i know what to engage in to sooth my mind, body and soul.

i know what works best for my body in all different environments, situations and experiences. – this takes time.

*please note these are my personal self soothing / compassion activities, you need to figure out what works for you*

going on nature walks (or hikes), journalling, social life – spending time with my friends and family, my sport, writing poems, sitting and giving myself permission to cry and feel my emotions without judgement.

struggles with self compassion – my personal experience

one of the most powerful changes i have made in my life is learning self compassion.

however it did take me the longest in my healing journey.

i used to get annoyed, embarrassed, judge myself, feel shame, blame myself, not allow myself to cry or show any emotion.

i had an extremely negative self view of myself and my self talk was atrocious.

i pretty much bullied myself for years and without even realising it until i became consciously aware of my thoughts and inner voice.

but this all changed when i began to learn and implement self compassion into my life.

it took a long, long time of persistence, dedication, effort, setbacks but not giving up and determination to achieve this current relationship i have with myself.

self compassion used to be my enemy.

i thought if i were to participate in such a thing, i would become lazy, less motivated and make excuses for when i didn’t achieve my goals and aspirations.

if only i could tell myself back then how wrong i was, oh gosh, how far from the truth i was.

once you tap into your self compassion and learn how to utilise this part of your body, your life will truly change (well mine sure did).

just because it doesn’t work in a week, in a month or in 6 months, please don’t give up.

i am proof that you truly can learn this skill and make it stay a prominent part of your life and identity.

self compassion allows you to create a relationship with yourself, where you feel safe and supported.

you know that you have your best interest at heart and you will pick yourself up if you are to fall.

i really believe you can develop this positive relationship with yourself if you put your mind to it and don’t stop no matter what.

you are amazing and more powerful than you realise.

i hope something resonated with you in this article, as always if you want to contact us, our messages are always open 🤍

-mao

don’t give trauma the power to control you, you deserve to live how you want. take control of your trauma.

-life advice from one survivor to another