rejection is a difficult part of life, but it’s inevitable, so we have to learn to be okay with it.

we may experience rejection in romantic relationships, friendships, work opportunities, colleagues, sport, or even family.

today we’ll go over healthy ways to cope with rejection so we can use it as an opportunity for self growth.

the hurt – emotional response

rejection is a big influence on how we grow and learn, so learning how to deal with rejection is a very valuable life skill.

rejection is a universal experience everyone goes through and it can happen in many different life circumstances.

whether its a job you love, trying to get back in contact with family, your dreams, asking a person you fancy on a date, ect.

please do not live in fear of rejection as if you try to avoid it, you are ultimately giving up on the things that mean the most to you. 

it does not define your worth whatsoever and the emotional responses you feel are completely normal.

the feelings and emotions that arise when we’re rejected are mainly stemmed from the feeling that we weren’t valued to the other person.

these feelings can include anger, embarrassment, jealousy, sadness, insecurities, disappointment, ect.

every one of us suffers from rejection in different situations in life, yet the way it hurts feels different for everyone.

this is because as humans, one of our fundamental needs is to belong.

in fact the basic need to belong is one of the major motivators we have in our growth throughout life. 

this is why the drop in our self-esteem we feel, or the “shot” at our hearts or egos, is true pain.

the pain of rejection activates the same area in the brain as physical pain does, as for why it can feel so personal.

but you can begin to learn healthy responses to rejection so your journey through life can be a little more smooth sailing.

please please pleaseee do not blame yourself for being rejected.

this is your brains way of making excuses to try and stay in control – as for why “i messed it up” or “i shouldn’t of done this”.

my reason in sharing ways to handle rejection is in hope you will still take risks in the pursuit of making your hopes and dreams a reality <3

first step

there isn’t going to be a step by step ‘coping with the pain after rejection’ manual that suits every single person.

i recommend trying different strategies until you have discovered what works best for you.

this way you can create your own personal plan.

instead of thinking “i got rejected because i’m not good enough”, think about what this particular situation has just given you.

this way you can learn a valuable lesson for the future from this rejection.

permission to feel

your emotions are normal, so acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to properly feel them.

try to not suppress or make excuses for them, just let your feelings ride out and don’t feel guilty for being upset!

please don’t pretend everything is okay when it is actually hurting you inside.

this is a prime example of suppressing your feelings.

also try not to escape your feelings – example: ‘drinking your sorrows away’.

letting yourself feel and ride out your emotions and feelings, helps you avoid ‘unhealthy’ coping mechanisms.

some of these mechanisms include projection (taking it out on others), escapism (overworking or substances) and rumination (overthinking).

if you tend to overthink, here is an in-depth article to help you free your mind from overthinking to help you stop ruminating over trauma.

self compassion and self care

i cannot express the importance of being kind to yourself.

this is especially important when you’re struggling or feeling vulnerable or hurt.

please understand that healing is a journey, so you need to be kind, patient and caring to yourself.

when you know you are on your side in life, you’re able to acknowledge your feelings and emotions without any criticism or judgement.

make sure you’re kind to yourself when you experience rejection as this will build up your resilience as you will think –

“i thought that rejection would of broke me, but i bounced back and here i am still okay. now i can try new things i was afraid of”

focus on your physical self care through activities, exercise, sleep and foods.

physical activities can help release endorphins, which then help relieve stress and improve your mood.

• walks, gym, sport, swimming, cycling, dancing, yoga, ect.

as much as physical activity is important, rest is just as important.

make sure you’re getting enough sleep and you are nourishing your body with the foods you consume.

social connection

i found social connection tends to always help me with the feelings after rejection.

you need to try to receive support and compassion when you’re going through the healing stage of rejection.

the feeling of not being valued or belonging to the other person is a painful and upsetting feeling.

so surrounding yourself with love and support will help you get through this time a little easier.

this doesn’t mean date someone else straight away in a romantic side of rejection – support and love can come from your family or friends.

try to spend time with good, supportive people (it can be over a call or facetime as well, but i would recommend physically seeing them). 

being around people close to you can help you heal, as you are able talk about your situation and potentially receive some advice or help on it.

you never know, they may have been through something similar before and hold supportive advice.

when you create a safe space where you feel comfortable to share your experience with someone, it can be so powerful when it comes to healing.

sometimes you don’t necessarily need advice or guidance, sometimes all we need is for someone to be a compassionate and attentive listener.

if you don’t feel comfortable with speaking to people, just spending time with them can also help refill your “sense of belonging” cup.

if this type of support is inaccessible to you, then a therapist can be a good alternative.

you may find it very effective being able to talk and let your heart out to someone, without the fear of judgement. 

change in mindset

one of the best changes i made in my life was understanding and learning that i shouldn’t attach myself to anything external.

i had enough of letting external circumstances have the power to affect my internal being (my mood, feelings, behaviours, ect).

i challenged myself to create a lifestyle and state of mind where i was content in life and extremely happy.

now this took a very long time, but i made sure to enjoy the journey just as much as when i achieved my desired goal.

and with that being said, i am still learning more and more about myself daily, so i will be even happier tomorrow than i am today.

as i was happy and whole within myself, anything external was merely a bonus to my happiness – it wasn’t “my happiness” anymore.

ofcourse i love things dearly, i care ever so much for many people and things in my life, i have passions and goals – but they aren’t what make me happy.

this change in mindset allowed me to not get as upset when things didn’t go as i expected, or when someone or something went wrong.

obviously i still feel disappointed or upset at times, but i allow myself to feel and ride out my emotions when they arise.

think of your rejection and setbacks as opportunities for growth, lessons for learning and self improvement, this creates a growth mindset.

please do not allow external events (rejection), make you feel it is a reflection of your value or who you are as a person.

it will hurt at first but the pain will subside within time.

mindfulness

if you have read any of my other articles, then you would know i am very big on mindfulness.

this is when you take a step back and actively notice the feelings and emotions you are experiencing in your certain situation.

think about what you’re feeling inside your body – the sensations and emotions of what you’re experiencing.

understanding, processing and regulating your emotions can help immensely with navigating your way through more difficult times.

★ here is an article about helping you become aware of your emotions.

notice where you feel these certain sensations, what you’re feeling and the emotions that are more powerful than others.

expressing your thoughts through journaling can help you release built up or suppressed emotions and gain some mental clarity.

talking to a trusted friend or therapist in a safe space will allow you to talk it out and unpack your feelings.

i found creative outlets and expressive activities was a huge help for me when it came to my healing after rejection.

being able to channel your emotions into writing, music, photography, dance, cooking, art, or any creative project.

when you express your emotions creatively, it can help you process your pain (and transform it into something beautiful or constructive).

gratitude absolutely changed my life and the perspective i have. create a habit of writing or saying the things you’re grateful for in life.

i found it really hard to be upset when i was expressing my appreciation for all of the beauty and good in life.

my body plan

once you have acknowledged what you’re feeling, and understand your emotions, you can work out – what i like to call it “my body plan”.

i used this when i was learning my feelings, it allowed me to come up with the best ways to calm and regulate them for me personally.

feelings that are most commonly said are like “sad”, “happy” or “bad” for example.

but these wont cut it in this exercise. i need you to dig deep and express how you’re truly feeling –

if you’re feeling bad/down is it because you’re experiencing envy or loneliness, perhaps anxiety or embarrassment?

your feelings are valid, so remove all judgement and criticism when you do this exercise.

this way you’re able to establish the exact emotion you feel that is creating the “bad” mood or feeling.

to establish your personal “my body plan”, you need to understand your most commonly felt emotions so you can help calm and regulate yourself.

just quickly:

emotions are first – they are created in our brains and you feel them in your body as sensations.

whereas feelings are created from the thoughts we have about the emotions we are experiencing (i hope that makes sense).

this is why practising mindfulness is sooo beneficial, as your thoughts impact your feelings directly.

i have created a list of some emotions and feelings so you’re able figure out what emotions and feelings you may be experiencing.

have a think about what calms each of your emotions you have identified. 

these can be things you can internally say or do, physically do to yourself or they might be external things.

example: i am feeling irritated because i am angry that stranger just yelled at me.

emotion – angry

feeling – irritated

because i have done this exercise above, i know what calms me when i feel angry.

i can either go to the gym, the beach, listen to music or journal, (these are my external things that calm my emotion).

or i can wiggle my toes, i squeeze my hands, do my breathing techniques and tell myself in my head that i will be okay (how i internally calm myself)

affirmations

reassuring positive self talk can help counteract your automatic negative thoughts.

i loveee affirmations and they are a big part of my life.

i began with written affirmations.

i still use written affirmations in my daily life, but i also speak my affirmations now.

affirmations are personal positive statements that can help you grow and overcome negative self talk or self sabotage.

once you have practised affirmations for quite some time, it can become second nature with the way you talk to yourself. 

i have an article on what i found helped me get the most benefits from affirmations, including 29 affirmations for mental clarity.

yes of course i have times where i talk negatively to myself (usually when i mess up in my sport 😆), but it goes away within a few seconds.

whenever i do something i am proud of, i tell myself i am proud.

whenever i help someone, i tell myself i am proud i am doing what i love most in life. 

affirmations are important in your everyday life, but are extremely important and useful when you’re dealing with rejection.

as you’re able to talk kindly to yourself when you get let down,

you’re able to confirm your feelings and understand they’re normal,

you’re able to love yourself when you may not feel loved by others. 

it can increase your confidence and help you stop comparing yourself to others.

there are sooo many benefits of positive affirmations and self talk.

please be kind to yourself and begin to learn today ❤

don’t be afraid!!

yes you got rejected, but please don’t let it negatively effect your future. 

don’t let it create walls around you and make you too scared to go and do certain things you desire.

nerves are perfectly fine, almost everyone feels them

(i have to say ‘almost’ as there could be a handful of people that don’t feel any nerves, but i genuinely think everyone feels them)

but as i was saying, those nerves are a good thing.

it is evidence that you genuinely, deeply care about what you’re about to do. 

nerves help your body prepare for your performance and can keep you motivated to continue working towards your goals 

so use your nerves to your advantage!

set boundaries

if you’re feeling overwhelmed, it is perfectly fine for you to step back from the certain situation and gain perspective.

by setting boundaries you can limit your exposure to negative influences and the things that hold you back.

protect your energy, peace and time for the things that mean the most to your in your life.

learn from the rejection

if you feel comfortable, ask for feedback.

this can help you in your personal or professional development.

use this rejection as a way to evaluate your journey and make adjustments if needed.

are there any areas for growth or improvement? what skills do i need to learn?

please make sure you realise that every rejection provides an opportunity to strengthen you to face future obstacles/challenges and build resilience.

make sure you remain persistent, consistent, patient and keep trying.

move forward in your life with confidence, as this is just a temporary experience we go through.

rejection does not determine your future. many people have faced rejection, yet eventually succeeded in their life.

key take aways

• notice your most intense emotions and feelings you feel and experience

acknowledge how you feel by writing them down (expression) and allow yourself to feel them, then find solutions to calm each emotion.

• mindfulness, self compassion and positive affirmations

remind yourself of your strengths, what you’re good at, and what makes you proud. 

you need to remember that you are amazing.

sometimes the hardest thing after being rejected is getting out of the “i’m not good enough” mindset, or replaying all the things you could had done differently in the situation.

• be bloody proud

lastly, be bloody proud.

give yourself credit for even trying!! yes it didn’t workout persay, but atleast you tried!! 

i’m sorry it may be just me, but i would personally know the definite answer was “no”, rather then wondering every week what the answer could had been.

you are amazing, don’t let anyone make you think differently about yourself or be able to take your spark away.

-MAO

don’t give trauma the power to control you, you deserve to live how you want. take control of your trauma.

-life advice from one survivor to another