trust is the invisible lifeline that connects us to forming safe relationships – with ourself, with others, and the world.
trust is never easy for anyone, and it becomes even harder for us after experiencing trauma.
we do not deserve to live in fear. we deserve to take power over our trauma, and begin to regain our trust to the best we can.
lets learn gentle ways we can help rebuild our trust, starting from the inside out.
i hope this can help you on your journey.
within yourself
we need the ability of trust in almost every aspect of our lives.
trust is one of the most beneficial traits we need in order to make and maintain friendships and relationships, this includes the relationship we hold with ourself.
true healing starts within.
to grow and heal to our highest potential, we must create a positive relationship with ourselves – one that makes us proud of who we are and who we are becoming.
a relationship that supports our growth and reflects the person we are intentionally becoming.
rebuilding self trust
self trust is the foundation of healing and lasting growth.
trust issues don’t just affect how we connect with others, they shape how we believe, listen to, and rely on ourselves.
along the journey, even as we grow and learn, we can still find ourselves second guessing our instincts, or hesitating to fully trust our own judgment.
self trust grows through lived experience, not just understanding. it begins with small, intentional actions that help you reconnect with yourself and your inner knowing.
these practices helped me strengthen self trust. see what feels right for your journey.
keep small promises to yourself
start with small, achievable commitments.
these simple, intentional actions quietly prove to yourself that you can be trusted.
whether it’s resting when you need it, saying no when something doesn’t feel right, or following through on something small.
trust grows through consistency.
align your choices with yourself
trusting yourself means allowing what truly matters to guide your choices – letting your inner voice lead above the expectations and opinions of others.
making choices that align with what matters most (even when it’s uncomfortable), strengthens your judgment and self trust, affirming your voice, needs and choices.
this could look like saying no to something that drains your energy, trusting your instincts even when others doubt you, or taking a bold step toward a goal that aligns with your purpose.
honour your feelings
self trust deepens when you honour your feelings rather than questioning or dismissing them.
allow yourself to feel first, then reflect.
seeing your feelings as signals, not problems, strengthens self trust and helps you trust your own guidance.
instead of asking ‘why am i like this?”, try “what is this feeling trying to tell me?”
love yourself
learning to love yourself deepens the self trust you’re already building.
this takes time, so please be patient and gentle with yourself along the way.
if you don’t already, i highly recommend you to consider journaling.
this can become your safe space to pour out your thoughts and feelings instead of keeping them bottled up.
to fully love yourself and strengthen your trust in yourself, you need to understand your needs, patterns, and what truly matters to you (and this is what journaling can provide)
the article ‘how to find yourself after trauma’ offers ways to reconnect with the parts of yourself that may have been buried.
what you love and enjoy
a great start to forming a close relationship with yourself is discovering the things you truly love and enjoy.
write at the top of a page, what i love and enjoy: then take a moment to reflect and jot down your ideas into a list.
think about what brought you happiness as a child, even if you haven’t done it in a while, and write that down.
also, it’s okay if those things no longer bring you joy; people grow and change, and that’s perfectly fine.
(whether you’ve simply grown out of it, it brings back unwanted memories and triggers, or you don’t have the resources/places/people around you anymore to do them.)
instead, notice what in your day, week, or month brings you a genuine smile or a sense of peace and being fully yourself.
write those down too.
if nothing comes to mind immediately, try this exercise each night before bed:
write two columns – what i loved about today and what made me smile.
after a week or two, look back at your lists.
by consciously noticing these moments of joy, we train ourselves to recognise and appreciate what we love in life, a practice called gratitude.
when i feel down or unwanted thoughts creep in, i:
a few of the things i love are; the beach, reading, long walks, cooking, training for my sport, learning something new and camping.
when i feel down or unwanted thoughts creep in, i:
1. look at my list,
2. choose something i can do in that moment,
3. i go and do it
this is the beautiful beginning of a loving relationship with yourself.
you’re learning what makes you feel better and taking the time to care for yourself.
it may feel uncomfortable at first, but you’re slowly becoming more comfortable with being with yourself.
this practice was essential in my healing journey, as it helped me understand my body, acknowledge my feelings, discover coping mechanisms, and begin to forgive myself.
you start to feel more in control when you know you have yourself during these harder times.
the first person i was able to trust again after being betrayed, was myself.
make sure to celebrate your small wins each day as they are amazing motivators.
small wins create big changes. i believe in you, and now you can believe in yourself too.
with others
next was the harder step. the people around me.
during my healing, i made baby steps with the people i saw the most in my life, and if i could suggest something to you, i would say do the same.
for me that was with my family and friends.
baby steps
from my experience, i recommend taking baby steps, as they progress over time.
baby steps enable you to not feel as overwhelmed and alone.
you must listen to yourself – that inkling or intuitive feeling you felt.
if you’re not ready, that is okay.
this is your journey. your story. your life. listen to yourself and take the time you need –
but please know that you are ever so powerful and brave.
i didn’t open up to anyone for a while, and even when i did, it wasn’t 100% my choice because i didn’t feel ready,
but if i didn’t say anything then, if i waited until i felt ‘ready’, i truly don’t know if i ever would of.
if you are struggling or your mental health is declining, i strongly advise you to seek professional help from a trained mental health professional or a trained professional of that sort.
don’t be scared of change
where there is change, there is room for growth, and as you are growing, you’re going to be a different person to who you were before this event/experience.
change is a good thing, as it is proof you’re healing.
being able to open up to those around you will come with time.
having different friendships means you will tell them in different times, ways and environments that best suit you. only if you feel comfortable doing so.
communication
make sure you communicate your needs and feelings effectively.
as annoying as it is sometimes, no-one can read your mind. so if you want someone to know something, you’re going to have to tell them.
communication will be your best friend during this time, so practise being okay with being vulnerable.
understand what you need, so you’re able to communicate that with others.
remember, vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.
significant other
you’ve gained trust with yourself and have healthy relationships with your friends and/or family.
now for one of the biggest step, and for me it was an extremely extremely scary step.
you’ve met someone you feel like you’re taking an interest in and want to get to know them on a deeper level.
time
take your time. move as slow or as fast as you need.
i began by taking things really reallllllly slow. only messaging once, maybe twice a day. only seeing them once a week.
i recommend keeping a journal.
with my journal i was able to write the emotions and feelings i felt almost everyday.
whatever i was thinking, i put it out into words.
you can journal however you want. it is a way to express yourself, there is no right and wrong
boundaries
setting boundaries early on in the relationship is one of my biggest tips for gaining trust in a romantic partner.
you’re able to see the level of respect they have by setting boundaries.
no boundary is silly, whatever you feel is necessary to protect your peace and energy, create a boundary.
important to note – you must communicate your boundary to the person, as they won’t know you have it set unless you make them aware of it.
i have a full in-depth article here if you would like to read it – how to set healthy boundaries after trauma.
due to my boundaries i set, i knew i was quite distant.
so to let them know i was interested and liked them, i let out not too much, but just enough to let them know i just need abit of time.
the truth is, not everyone has been through a traumatic time in their life, so not everyone will understand.
some people will come and go due to different circumstances, but if they leave, it is for the better.
it does take time to find the right person who will not only respect and understand you, but also want to be part of your journey.
with the people that disappear, you must remember it is nothing to do with you.
but as you have a good loving relationship with yourself now, i trust you will already know that.
once i felt comfortable, i slowly began to let out little hints about my past and what i’d been through.
this way i could read the body language and know if they were the right person to tell everything to, if i should wait longer or just find a more understanding person all together.
you must trust what your body is telling you.
if you have the feeling you can’t quite trust them, don’t push it to the back of your mind.
it may be your brain trying to protect you, but it also may be a warning sign.
in my experience, my brain came up with alot of “answers” they could of given me if i were to tell them about my trauma.
this is completely normal as it is your brain protecting you, but make sure you don’t lose sleep over your overthinking.
if you feel you feel comfortable and safe with this person over the past few weeks, months or years of being with them, then that is a good sign.
make sure you know that you have no obligation to tell them about your past if you don’t want to.
for me, when i told my partner what happened, i got a type of reassurance i wasn’t expecting, and it was truly one of the best feelings.
however, it took me over 15 months to regain my trust, so there is no rush.
if it has taken you longer, that is completely okay, as everyones journeys are different.
the amount of trust i now have is still not to the level i used to have, but maybe that’s for the better.
gentle reminder
healing doesn’t have a timetable or manual as every human is different, so what works for one person may not work for you.
or a step that takes someone a week, may take you a months – but it is okay!
healing is a journey, a constant journey through life.
unfortunately it is a difficult one, i don’t want to sugar coat it.
it requires endless amounts of deep personal work.
but if you put in the effort to learn about yourself, i really hope you’ll be able to regain that part of you that never should of been taken away in the first place.
i have full faith in you on your journey.
-MAO
don’t give trauma the power to control you, you deserve to live how you want. take control of your trauma.
-life advice from one survivor to another
you are so strong